Monthly Archives: January 2003

Fun for the whole family

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First, a random quote:

“This will be a free family fun day with lots of prizes and fun activities for the whole family.”

Are things like this ever really fun for the whole family? Or do guilty parents drag their kids along for some quality time, ignoring the fact that staying indoors with the Barbies and the Playstation might actually be their kid’s preferred use of the day. Maybe.

Hey, part two of the tentative series about alternatives to Starbucks.

When the Ponsonby Road Starbucks opened, people reckoned on of two things would happened. Either the Starbucks would suck up all the business of the local cafes, forcing the locally owned cafes to close and transforming the Three Lamps End of Ponsonby Road into even more of a mall. Or no one would go to the Starbucks and it would close in a couple of months.

Neither happened. The Starbucks happily co-exists along with the cafes down that end of Ponsonby Road. Even just a quick walk-by will show that the kind of people who go to that Starbucks aren’t the kind of people who’d normally go to any of the other cafes.

But anyway, just down from Starbucks is Espresso Love. I have much love for Espresso Love. It’s very hippyish and there’s all this new age decor. They do a larger than usual amount of vegan menu items, but there’s meat there too. They also do a range of really good smoothies. But I was there for the coffee. I ordered a latte and went out into the garden out the back.

There was a little fountains and heaps of plants. Its was lovely. The coffee came in a bowl, which I don’t like, but I guess latte-in-bowls is just a cultural quirk of New Zealand, up with which I should put. But it was good coffee, very creamy, which I think makes a good latte.

Blah blah blah coffee.

Uh!

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After the gig last night Mr Eddie Hodad, Mr Otis Uh! and Gaz, Nik and myself went to Mr Hank Special’s pad. Dirk Thrust did not join us.

Here is a story:

Ok, there’s this guy. He’s been in a few bands – one of them was with my old boss, many years ago. He does a lot of experimental noise stuff. Lots of feedback and loops, samples, that sort of shit, uh, thing. I think American college radio nerds like him. His flatmate came home one day and found a guitar resting against an amp with a steady stream of feedback coming out of the amp, while the musician was otherwise occupied in the kitchen, cooking tea. So the flatmate turned off the amp. Then the musician guy comes out and was like “hey, why’d you do that! I was recording a track for my new album!”

Ah, something like that. I was funnier last night after I’d had a few beers.

I’m thinking about going to the Breeders show in Wellington. Paselode are the support act!

When I came home my flatmate’s bed was gone. In its place were three cheap porno mags. Is this a fair trade?

The Grinders in Raggiz

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I drove to Raglan and saw The Hollow Grinders play at Aqua Velvet.

Pumice was the support act. I’m not sure if Pumice is always just Stefan Neville, but tonight it was. He played drums, a guitar, sometimes keyboards and various other stuff that made interesting noises.

I could see that there were a few people coming in and immediately thinking “what the fuck?”. Someone tried heckling him, but it didn’t work because he was really, really good. He played sitting behind the drum kit, and would intensely play, then look up at the end of each song and look happy that people were applauding. He did a really nice version of “Sunshine on Leith”.

But the exciting thing is Pumice is one of the bands playing support for the Breeders concert. I’m guessing he’ll be on before the Brunettes. It’s hard to guess what the audience reaction will be, but I suspect it might be like when the Shrugs opened for the Datsuns at the St James. I was talking to StfnNvll after the show and said I was planning on going to the Breeders show. He said he was a bit nervous because all he really knew of them was “Cannonball”. Ha!

Hey, the Hollow Grinders were great. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Hollow Grinders show as good as this one. The sound was good, and the atmosphere was as well. There were plenty of people dancing (not just the Hamilton fans). I think it might have worked because it makes sense for a band that plays surf instrumental to be playing near one of the best surf beaches in the world. There’s even a few songs about Raglan-related surf stuff.

I had a couple of beers, I danced along, I had a great time.

Five things.

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Stuff that happened today.

1. Whenever I go to St Lukes people apologise to me. I don’t seem to get this reaction at any other mall. Fo’ example, today I was walking along a corridor. I needed to turn right down another corridor that lead to the toilets. A woman was coming along that corridor and we ended up reaching the corner at the same time. We both paused and she said “oh, sorry.” What was she apologising for? I was in her way as much as she was in my way. I’ve also noticed a few times at St Lukes I’ve been in a crowded store and have kind of bumped into someone and they’ve said sorry. It always seems to be women, and I’m getting sick of it. Stop apologising!

2. Waiting at the lights on Dominion Road I saw the most spectacular sight. A woman, probably in her late 30s, was walking along the road. She was wearing a pair of baggy, MC Hammer-style pants. The fabric was a red and white pattern and was quite a thin fabric. I know this because I could see her underwear. Oh, how I could see her underwear. She had a pair of black bikini briefs on. They were so clear through her trousers that it was almost as if she was only wearing her underwear. Was it deliberate? Was she going for a “I don’t give a damn about fashion” thing, or did she just not look in the mirror before she left the house?

3. I was driving up One Tree Hill and there were cows all over the road. It was quite exciting driving through the cows. It reminded me of living in the country, when there was that day when all the farmers used to herd their cows down to the saleyards. (I hated living in the country. Like, do you know how inherently uncool cow poo is?). As I slowly drove through the cows one of them jumped up and started humping another – right next to my car. Wow, a hot bovine lesbo a go-go show.

4. I was going to get a latte from Starbucks at St Lukes. I waited in line one person made coffee, another made frappuccinos and another served at the tills. The serving girl was really, really slow. The following took place:

Serving Girl (at microwave): Um, excuse me, do you want this heated?
Customer: What?
Serving Girl (moves closer): Do you want this heated?
Customer: What is it?
Serving Girl (goes to cash register to see the name of the pastry): Um, the cinnamon roll. Do you want me to heat it?
Customer: Um…?
Serving Girl: I think they taste really nice when they are heated.
Customer: Uh, how hot?
Serving Girl: It makes it nice and warm.
Customer: Um, well, as long as it’s not too hot. I don’t want the icing dripping.
Serving Girl: Ok, right. I’ll heat it up for you.

She then went through a similar painful conversation about some minor detail of some other item ordered. I couldn’t stand being witness to such mundanity so I went downstairs and got a latte from the Take 5 coffee stand. I was served quickly and there was no arsing about with the customer ahead of me. By the time I’d put my change in my wallet, my coffee was ready. This may possibly be part one of an occasional series of visiting the nearest alternative to Starbucks (i.e., if, like my neighbour’s homemade bumper sticker says, friends don’t let friends drink Starbucks, where do you go for coffee?)

5. I don’t get why “Lose Yourself” by Eminem is so popular. I’ve always thought it was really mundane, but then, I’ve never really been big on those “go for it, don’t give up, hold on to your dreams” kind of songs. “Lose Yourself” seems like a combination of that kind of song and a promo from “8 Mile”. But so many people I know like it – I mean, really like it. It seems that even though the lyrics are pretty specific, people manage to put themself in the song and come out of it feeling elevated, uplifted and inspired. Well, that’s not a bad thing.

Batman, world peace

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I’ve been watching the 1966 “Batman” movie on DVD. I’d seen it a few times before, but I’d forgotten how funny it was. I think there was a period where I would have been like “urgh, “Batman” is so cheesy” (this probably coincided with Tim Burton’s gothic “Batman” movie in 1989), but that’s the whole point: it was meant to be cheesy.

The “Batman” movie is so funny. The dialogue especially is full of zappy lines. I would try to attempt to convey the humour when sexually frustrated Bruce Wayne goes on the date with the seductive Kitka (Catwoman in disguise), but words alone don’t convey the humour. Instead, here is Batman and Robin solving some riddles:

Batman: Robin, listen to these riddles. Tell me if you interpret them as I do. One, what has yellow skin and writes?
Robin: A ballpoint banana!
Batman: Right! Two, what people are always in a hurry?
Robin: Rushing people? Russians!
Batman: Right again. Now what would you say they mean?
Robin: Banana… Russian… I’ve got it! Someone Russian is going on slip on a banana peel and break their neck!
Batman: Precisely, Robin! The only possible meaning!

The basic plot involves The Joker, The Penguin, The Riddler and Catwoman teaming up to form the United Underworld. Their plan is to dehydrate the members of the United World Security Council. The UWSC members are so busy arguing that they don’t notice the four super villains show up and dehydrate them into small piles of coloured dust.

Eventually good wins over and Batman gets the dust back, but sadly it gets all mixed up, so it’s off to the Batcave for it to be resorted. Finally the dust is ready to be rehydrated. Small metal stands on each chair hold a test tube with the dust for each member. Water is added and, zoing, the security council members are back.

I’m not sure what happened to the metal stands, but as none of the members say “hey, how’d this metal rod get up my arse!”, I assume the stands somehow disappear. Though it is possible that again the members are too busy arguing to notice a test tube up the bum.

But it is soon discovered that there’s a bit of a mix up. The security council members minds are in different bodies. Holy Freaky Friday! Batman observes this and comments, “Who knows, Robin. This strange mixing of minds may be the greatest single service ever performed for humanity.”

So, as the world is a little bit crazy at the moment, perhaps it’s time for someone to get Commodore Schmidlapp’s dehydration device, gather up the world leaders and mix things up for greater understanding and goodwill.