Pass the beans

While watching the Big Brother daily show, I keep seeing an ad for a McDonald’s combo called the McChicken Hunger buster. It contains a McChicken, a cheeseburger, fries, a Coke and a sundae.

What’s interesting is there’s a graphic on part of the ad that says “MEAL FOR TWO”. The thing is, it’d be pretty complicated to share it between two people. I reckon “MEAL FOR TWO” really means that in a perfect world it would be split between two people, but in the real world (where people file law suits against fast food restaurants for not telling them that eating a burger a day would turn them into a fat arse), they are indeed describing it as a meal for two.

But then, there’s nothing stopping one person eating a meal for two.

Chur bro

I went to the opening night extravaganza of the Beck’s Incredible Film Fest. The costume theme was ’80s, and there were some really excellent costumes. The fake pearls, big hair, ripped lace Madonna look was popular for the ladies, and a lot of fellows went for the spiky hair and sweatband look. There was a woman wearing a green leather skirt and jacket – complete with big, big shoulder pads and another woman was clad in hot pink Lycra workout gear. One couple were dressed as Young Republicans, and wielded a sign supporting the Reagan-Bush ticket.

Before the opening night movie the BIFF crew performed a skit. “Nikki”, the porn star who had planned to give birth on camera, was going to give birth to a second baby live tonight. She was joined by the dodgy director (who looked suspiciously like fest organiser Ant Timpson), a fellow porn star playing the doctor (gay, classically trained in Hamilton’s live theatre scene), and a dirty old camera man who was more than ready for his close up. At one stage Ron Jeremy came out and jizzed all over the stage, which was disgusting and yet delightful. Ok, so Nikki’s in labour and as an experiment the baby is subjected to selected highlights of the last ten years of the film fest. After that harrowing experience the baby pops out and – OMG – Nikki’s given birth to David Wain, the director of “Wet Hot American Summer”!

Mr Wain spoke about how he’d been entice over to New Zealand to come to the fest, but he didn’t realise he’d have to enter a vagina when he got here. Then Mr Timpson gave a brief introduction and everyone applauded because, let’s face it, ten years of a film festival like this is well worth applauding.

“Wet Hot American Summer” was introduced by a special filmed bit where Paul Rudd, Janeane Garofalo and [another guy who was in the film] talked about the film. Rudd said he liked Crowded House, and that he thought Hunters and Collectors were from here too (Wrong! But Nick Seymour was in Crowded House, and his brother Mark was in H&C, so that’s close enough.) Ms Garofalo said that people kept recommending she move to New Zealand because it’s so nice and liberal here [and half the audience thinks "Yes! Come here, oh cool one!"). I can't remember what [the other guy who was in the film] said.

Ok, the film itself was really funny. It’s a really naughty parody of all those American summer camp movies of the late ’70s, early ’80s. All the cliches are dragged out and perverted. And Paul Rudd wears short shorts. It really enjoyed it and I felt sorry for all the people who’d chugged down the free beer and had to keep leaving to go wees.

Famous person sighting: Marc Ellis. Woo!

After all that coolness I went to the Dog Bollix to see the WBC play. They are going to be playing on Space next Friday (10.30 pm, TV2), so you should watch that. Also, their new EP “Ease Your Mind” is coming out in about three weeks, so buy that because it is full of good songs.

But anyway. The w00da were good. The Bollix has such a tiny dance floor that it always seems awkward dancing, so I sat on a stool. I was right by a speaker and was hit by some great wall-of-sound moments. Their two new songs sounded much better this time around.

Famous person sighting: MC OJ – and he was all dressed up like a gangsta.

The movie list

I did the movie list. I also changed a few foreign movie titles into their better-known English titles (it had already been done with some, but not all of the titles), and I moved all the “The”s to the front of movie names. I like it that way. And I’ve annotated the films I’ve seen.

The movie list.

1 The Godfather (1972)I saw this because I thought I should.
2 The Shawshank Redemption (1994)The payoff only just makes up for the numb-bum caused by sitting still for so long.
3 The Godfather: Part II (1974)
4 The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)I didn’t watch this film, I endured it.
5 Schindler’s List (1993)So compelling that it seems much shorter than it is.
6 Citizen Kane (1941)This is only a great film if you know what makes it a great film.
7 Casablanca (1942)Love.
8 Seven Samurai (1954)
9 Star Wars (1977)Star Wars is gay.
10 Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
11 Memento (2000)The first and second viewings were great.
12 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
13 Rear Window (1954)A really tightly paced, scary thriller. The cigarette glow is evil.
14 The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
15 Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980)The only Star Wars film I really like.
16 Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
17 The Usual Suspects (1995)Yeah, but after you know who Kayser Soze is, it’s not much fun any more.
18 Amelie (2001)I heart Mathieu Kassovitz.
19 Pulp Fiction (1994)Stop copying this movie.
20 North by Northwest (1959)I love this so, so much. It’s a perfect adventure and romance, with a brilliant score.
21 Psycho (1960)The bit at the end with “Mother” scared me.
22 The Silence of the Lambs (1991)It took me years to work up the guts to see this.
23 12 Angry Men (1957)
24 Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
25 It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
26 The Good Bad and the Ugly (1966)
27 Goodfellas (1990)
28 American Beauty (1999)That bit where it accidentally looks like he’s gay – that’s pretty cheesy.
29 Vertigo (1958)Obsession, love, and sweeping panoramas of San Francisco. Much love.
30 The Pianist (2002)
31 Sunset Blvd. (1950)The moral: Beware of crazy old ladies.
32 Apocalypse Now (1979)Wank wank wank. The horror.
33 Some Like It Hot (1959)Really lovely and funny. I always enjoy this film.
34 The Matrix (1999)A cheesy love story cleverly disguised by mind-blowing, ground-breaking special effects.
35 To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
36 Taxi Driver (1976)I saw this on TV when I was 10 because Jodie Foster was in it. It changed my life.
37 The Third Man (1949)
38 Paths of Glory (1957)
39 Fight Club (1999)Not quite as manly and masculine as one would think.
40 Das Boot (1981)
41 L.A. Confidential (1997)All I remember is Kim Basinger’s hair started breaking off because of the dye they used.
42 Double Indemnity (1944)Something about classic film noir, in the days before femme fatales were allowed to get away with it.
43 Chinatown (1974)I never understood what was going on with the water and the oranges.
44 Requiem for a Dream (2000)Another one of my favourites. Harrowing, but not without hope.
45 The Maltese Falcon (1941)
46 Singin’ in the Rain (1952)
47 The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
48 Spirited Away (2001)
49 Saving Private Ryan (1998)No, thank you.
50 All About Eve (1950)
51 M (1931)
52 Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)Ruined for me by all the bad Python impersonations from geeky fan boys.
53 Raging Bull (1980)Yeah, it was ok.
54 Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)
55 Se7en (1995)The opening titles are great, and the rest of the film’s pretty good, too.
56 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)Hey, since when were martial arts films really beautiful?
57 The Wizard of Oz (1939) And I’ve even seen it with the Pink Floyd soundtrack.
58 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)No lasers in space, just depth and beauty.
59 Life is Beautiful (1997)
60 American History X (1998)Blah blah blah being a neo-Nazi is bad, blah blah blah.
61 The Sting (1973)
62 Touch of Evil (1958)
63 The Manchurian Candidate (1962)The brainwashing scene is masterfully filmed.
64 Alien (1979)
65 Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
66 Rashemon (1950)
67 Leon (1994)What? A tale of a tortured hitman? No.
68 Annie Hall (1977)An intelligent romantic comedy that I will never stop enjoying.
69 The Great Escape (1963)
70 A Clockwork Orange (1971)Attention crappy bands: Stop ripping off this film in music videos.
71 The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
72 Reservoir Dogs (1992)Is it the violence or the quirky soundtrack that’s so exhilarating?
73 The Sixth Sense (1999)I loved the twist at the end.
74 Jaws (1975)An artefact of simpler times. Eek, a shark, etc.
75 Amadeus (1984)
76 On the Waterfront (1954)
77 Ran (1985)
78 Braveheart (1995)
79 High Noon (1952)The centrepiece of this film, where the train rolls into the station is one of my favourite pieces of film editing. It’s exciting.
80 Fargo (1996)I like films where horrible things happen to ordinary people.
81 Blade Runner (1982)x – I’ve only seen the director’s cut and found it confusing. Bring back the voice over!
82 The Apartment (1960)
83 Aliens (1986)
84 Toy Story 2 (1999)
85 Strangers on a Train (1951)A creepy thriller ending in the excellent final confrontation on the carousel.
86 Modern Times (1936)
87 The Shining (1980)I prefer white rum.
88 Donnie Darko (2001)Excellent use of “Tears for Fears” songs in the soundtrack.
89 Duck Soup (1933)
90 The Princess Bride (1987)I saw this when it first came out. I liked Andre The Giant.
91 Run Lola Run (1998)The quick flashes forward, the three paths and how screaming makes things go your way.
92 City Lights (1931)
93 The General (1927)
94 Metropolis (1927)
95 The Searchers (1956)
96 Full Metal JacketI like the first third best. Happy birthday dear Jesus.
97 Notorious (1946)
98 Manhattan (1979)
99 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
100 The Graduate (1967)You know Ben and Elaine would end up miserable together.

In Continent.

I feel like bumming around Europe for a month. Bring back the old days when the only way to get to Europe was a three month boat trip. Back when Europe was “The Continent.” When being “continental” was akin to sophistication, not modern day European cultural icons such as The Cheeky Girls with their “Touch My Bum” song or the Russian singing lesbians which aren’t really very sophisticated at all.

Now, with the European Union and all that, bumming around Europe could just as easily be going to Manchester and doing a Smiths pilgrimage, or going to Ireland to visit the village where you great-great-great-grandfather may or may not once have lived, pass the Guinness, or just doing the general touristy crap in London, or holing yourself up in a historical cottage and browsing antique shops and going on walks in the countryside, and perhaps a minor detour into Paris just to get some real Euro.

But the three month cruise is replaced by the 24 hour plane trip. No shuffle board, just crappy inflight movies (that’s what you’ve got to be concerned about – not the food).

It’s nice here in the antipodes.