Some arsehole called me a “grammar nazi”. I told him that simply wasn’t true because I have nothing at all against Hebrew, Yiddish, gay slang, African languages, Ebonics, et cetera, et cetera.
Oy vey.
Grammar Nazi
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Monthly Archives: June 2003
Dinner time
It’s a cliche of bad stand-up comedians to mock airline food. But, y’know, all the meals I’ve had on aeroplanes have been ok. However, after perusing the Thai Airways web site, I’m glad that I won’t be travelling first class anytime on Thai soon:
TOM YAM KOONG
Thailand’s most favorite soup which contains of many kind of herbs such as lemongrass use for stomachache, increase appetite. Kaffir lime leaves use for scurvy, flatulence, dyspepsia.
THAI ROAST DUCK CURRY
This dish will give protein and energy and also benefit from chilli paste which consists of dried chilli used for flatulence, digestion and benefit from coconut milk is nourish body, tendon and bone.
STIR-FRIED EGGPLANT WITH MINCED PORK AND SWEET BASIL
The eggplant will stimulate the digestion of stomach in intestine. Sweet Basil use for Dyspepsia, Nausea, Flatulence, Phlegm.
Unhealthy Activities
I’m feeling a bit sick. I think I’ve got a bad cold. I feel all achy, I have a runny nose, and just generally feel ill.
My mother would advise me to do what her mother advised her. Take a hot bath up to your neck, have a lemon-honey drink (the juice of a lemon, a spoonful of honey topped with hot water), then hop into bed and get a good night’s sleep.
But this is what I did.
First the pillz. I went to a chemist and got some of those day/night cold/flu pillz. The ones with pseudoephedrine hydrochloride in them. This was my first purchase of this type of medication since the P epidemic (or whatever it is) hit the media, so I had to fill out a form giving my name and address and show my driver’s license.
Next I went to the supermarket and got some of those vitamin pillz with stuff like vitamin C, garlic, echanacia and zinc, which is supposed to help with colds. I also got chicken soup.
Then I saw a movie. This is not usually part of my traditional cold/flu remedy, but I was in the neighbourhood, so why not. I saw “Auto Focus” which is the story of Bob Crane, who is probably best known for playing Hogan in “Hogan’s Heroes”. He hooked up with a guy called John Carpenter who was a video enthusiast, back in the day with reel-to-reel video tape recorders were new. Crane developed a taste for naked ladies, especially photographing and videoing them. After his TV series ended he found it was difficult getting work because his seedy private life and family-orientated public image were clashing. Then someone killed him (this is not a spoiler). It was an interesting story, tragic, but also unexpectedly moral.
I was going to spend a quiet night on the couch, but after seeing the item on “Sunday” about the Incredible Film Festival and the censorship wrangles, I decided to see “Ken Park”. It’s banned in Australia, you know.
“Ken Park” is about five teenagers. At first their lives and their parents seem a little twisted, but then things get really, really twisted. There was heaps of nervous laughter from the audience. And people laughed at things like a pregnant woman smoking, or some guys drink driving. Yes, check my generation out. We pity the poor white trash people who don’t know any better.
This next section discusses cinematic masturbation in graphic detail. Reader discretion is advised.
There’s one magnificent scene where one of the characters masturbates while listening to Anna Kournikova (I think) grunting as she plays a tennis match on TV. It’s not a typical Hollywood masturbation scene where a hand moves under some sheets. This one is (I think) real. There it is. A guy sitting on his bedroom floor rubbing his erect penis. There were close-ups which caused the guy sitting next to be to let out a cry of disgust and turn his head in my direction (which I suppose I could take as a compliment) every time. Then the masturbator ejaculated which was shown and caused even more of an audience reaction. Then, in a truly magnificent shot, there was the wilting penis with a great big gooey glob of semen dangling from it.
I didn’t find it disgusting or funny. I thought it was beautiful in its own way. I’m not sure why. I mean, it’s not like I’m often exposed to such things in either real life or in porn. Like, generally speaking I’m more interested in things like who was going to win American Idol than male masturbation. I guess from a biological viewpoint, if women are grossed out and disgusted by penises and semen, well, the human race is doomed. Hey, maybe most of the grossing out was from guys?
The WBC were playing at the King’s Arms with 4 Man Bob. I was too late for 4 Man Bob, but I managed to see about two thirds of the w00da’s set. st00 had borrowed a guitar from 4 Man Bob – it was one of those rockstar shaped ones – and his big arse solo during “Unhealthy Activity” was so delicious. God bless ‘em.
So that’s been about a day’s worth of unhealthy activities that certainly haven’t left me feeling any less sick. I think a warm bed and a good night’s sleep might be in order now.
Everything has been undone, everything has been forgiven
<sobri> just went and saw battle royale at the film fest
<robyn Oh yeah, I saw the trailer for that on Thursday. How was it?
<sobri> good. fourth time i’ve seen it i think. but good to see it on the big screen
<sobri> actually i’m pretty sure they cut one bit. a bit which changed the story subtly too :-/
<robyn> I saw “Irreversible” today.
<sobri> what’s that one about?
<robyn> Anal sex.
<sobri> excellent
<robyn> The whole film is a metaphor for anal sex.
<robyn> And it’s told in reverse, a bit like “Memento”.
<sobri> might have to see that one then
<robyn> It was only on once
<sobri> arrr
<sobri> was it good?
<robyn> Very very very very very controversial.
<sobri> why, because it’s about anal sex??
<robyn> Mainly for two reasons:
<robyn> 1. A woman is brutally anally raped. It’s a 9 minute scene in which the camera remains still while she’s raped and then beaten. There are no cuts in that part, no diversions. It’s like actually watching a woman being raped.
<sobri> heavy
<robyn> 2. Later (earlier), her boyfriend finds the man who raped her (except he gets the wrong guy) and tries to give him the bash. The guy ends up beating him a bit, but the boyfriend’s friend comes along and repeatedly hits the guy in the face with a fire extinguisher.
<robyn> The guy’s face ends up looking like something from rotten.com
<sobri> christ
<sobri> very graphic then huh
<robyn> Oh yeah, it’s really intense. A few people walked out (but not as many as overseas reviews have reported)
<sobri> so what’s your opinion, was it justified? was it necessary to have the harsh scenes? did they add to the story?
<robyn> Ant Timpson got up on stage before the film and warned people what kind of film it was.
<sobri> were you shocked by them?
<robyn> It was really horrible to watch
<sobri> can imagine
<robyn> But the interesting thing was that as the film goes on and earlier stuff is shown, it’s happier, less troubled. It ends up with the guy and his girlfriend fooling around in bed, happy, in love. Then she discovers she’s pregnant.
<sobri> so these are flashbacks to before the rape?
<sobri> ?
<robyn> No, the story’s told in reverse.
<sobri> ah
<sobri> so .. but .. you see the rape before you see the guys beating the shit out of the supposed rapist?
<robyn> No, you don’t know exactly why they’re beating the guy up.
<sobri> ah.
<robyn> So it’s like “woah, what’s he done!”
<sobri> did the backwards story telling work?
<robyn> Yeah it was easy to follow. The happy scenes at the end of the film were almost sad because of the fact that the happy couple would end up only hours later with the woman raped and the guy being a killer.
<sobri> hm. interesting
<robyn> The last thing in the film was a blank screen that flashed like a strobe and pounding noise, like a helicopter that got louder and suddenly stopped. Then people were kind of staggering out of the Civic not really knowing what to think or feel.
<sobri> so what do you think about the graphicness of it though?
<robyn> You know how sometimes watching a violent movie can be exhilarating?
<robyn> Like “woo, yeah, smash him!!!”
<sobri> uh huh
<robyn> It wasn’t like that. It was almost like “Shit, stop him!”
<robyn> It also meant that it wasn’t really glamourised violence or rape.
<sobri> interesting that they had it on the same night as battle royale then. in that battle royale is the opposite sensation from graphic violence. you watch these kids brutally kill each other, and laugh
<robyn> That would have been fun.
<sobri> good point. deglamourising the violence is something that should be done so much more in movies
<robyn> There was a small moment of humour in the film: The nightclub where the beating took place was called “Rectum”
<sobri> so .. how does it all relate back to anal sex
<sobri> or were you just having me on
<robyn> No no, it’s a metaphor.
<sobri> how so
<robyn> There were lots of red tunnels in the film.
<robyn> Anal sex can be simultaneously painful and pleasurable.
<sobri> uh huh
<robyn> It was kind of about that.
<robyn> Like, if a man has anal sex with a woman, he’s getting something out of it and she’s getting very little out of it.
<sobri> but .. how does the plot fit with anal sex? i don’t see the connection
<sobri> well, depends how much she enjoys anal sex
<robyn> Ok, it keeps coming up. Like, there’s the Rectum club (a gay S&M club), the guy asks his girlfriend if she’ll have bumsex with him, and little things like someone describes a situation as being a “pain in the arse”.
<sobri> so .. it sounds as though anal sex was a theme of the movie. but i don’t see the metaphore
<robyn> Maybe I’m using the wrong word?
<robyn> Like, it was a literal theme, but also a metaphorical theme.
<sobri> did the rape and beating scenes have any message? was it like it was saying it’s a shit world, and we make it worse by reacting to it? or something else? or no message at all. just raw experience?
<robyn> Well it wasn’t “Rape is not kewl!!!”
<robyn> I think it was “This is what it’s really like.”
<sobri> heh
<robyn> This is how shit things can be.
<sobri> mm. kinda like kids, but more graphic
<robyn> Yeah, it is a bit like that.
<robyn> The Salon reviewer talks about how it ends on a happy note: “[The Director] Noé has fucked us up the ass and made us like it.”