Monthly Archives: November 2003

Pancake Porno

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My feet have high arches. Normally this doesn’t mean much when I’m buying shoes, unless I’m buying slip-ons. About three years ago I bought a pair of slip-on shoes. They seemed to fit ok in the shop, but when I wore them for the first time on the street, I discovered, to my horror, they they were not able to stay on my feet. The sharply sloping tops of my feet were not able to stay under the band across the shoe, meaning that my feet slid back in the shoe.

Today, wanting to avoid this, I tried on four different styles in different sizes. I did fast-paced laps around the shop, trying to put my feet through the paces. Two styles wouldn’t stay on my feet, another one stayed on, but my heels were sitting on the outer edge. Finally I found a style with a nice high heel that forced my feet to stay in place. And they were $20 cheaper than the price sticker.

I did my shopping out at the Botany Centre. It was such a lovely day that I didn’t want to spend it inside a mall, so I did the next best thing, and spend it outside a mall. The giant carpark was almost full, and there were heaps of cars circling for parks close to the shops. I knew the easiest way to get a park was to drive to the furthest part of the carpark. It worked, I got a space and enjoyed a lovely walk in the sunshine – and I had entertainment thanks to the 30-something guy walking in front of me wearing a pair of lavender trousers pulled right up his bum with a droopy cream polo shirt tucked into them.

The Pak’n Save supermarket there sells petrol. It’s totally self-service, requiring payment be made with a credit card with a PIN. It was a vaguely novelty, but as I was driving home I noticed that the nearest BP (and it’s BP who provide the petrol for Pac n Save) was selling petrol for exactly the same price.

When I got home I decided that as it was Sunday, pancakes with banana and maple syrup were in order. It looked so good I took a picture:

Mis-

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I saw a bit of “Behind Australian Idol” tonight. It showed Guy and Shannon planning what songs they would be singing for the grand final. I can’t remember what Shannon’s picks were, but Guy was working on “I’ll be there” and “Crazy in love”. “I’ll be there” is a traditional sweet ballad, which he’s sure to nail. “Crazy in love” is a bit risky because not only is it a recent single, but it was originally done by a woman. But as long as he doesn’t try doing Jay-Z’s rap in the middle, I reckon it’ll bring the house down, especially the bit that comes after the rap – in the video it’s where Beyonce gets all wet. So yeah, I’m excited.

I was watching the phone-in request show on C4. Some guy from Ashburton phoned in. Teuila, the host, was making small talk with him, asking what he was up to that night. Nothing much, he said. Then she asked him what was going down in Ashburton. Nothing much, he again said. She quickly went on to ask him what song he wanted to request. It was “One” by Metallica. And sometimes people wonder why Ashburton has such a high youth suicide rate.

The “One” video was followed by Mr JT’s “Rock Your Body”. Well, it cheered me up.

Not many

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Today I heard on Mai FM that Scribe’s debut album “The Crusader” has gone double platinum. In New Zealand this means sales of over 30,000.

Victoria Beckham was dropped by Virgin records after her debut album sold less than 50,000 copies. Her new single will be a double A-side with one pop and one hip-hop song. Er, perhaps she needs to get Scribe working with her?

I was delighted to read that Ms Paris Hilton has been having much naughty hotel room fun with Mr Robert “Millsy” Mills, one of the “Australian Idol” final ten. They were photographed having a pash on a hotel balcony, after blearily emerging one afternoon.

This is what has been missing from “Australian Idol”. One of the best things about “Idol” shows is the sudden fame that the contestants get. Gareth Gates, second place getter in the first British “Pop Idol” famously lost his virginity to large-bosomed glamour model Jordan when she was four month’s pregnant.

“Australian Idol” finalists Shannon and Guy are nice, but don’t seem to be getting up to any mischief, so I’m glad that Millsy’s done the right thing.

Oh, and I so love Paris Hilton. She is the living proof that you can never be too rich or too thin, or even too blonde or too sluttily dressed. She is a globe trotting party girl and I love her extravagance. I hope Millsy wasn’t a dud root.

P.S. I saw “Matrix Revolutions” today. The previous film “Matrix Reloaded” raised a whole lot of interesting questions and possibilities, but “Revolutions” didn’t seem to answer or explore many of them. It seemed like a hastily concocted conclusion, that had a few parts that felt like reruns from “The Matrix”. When the film concluded, I was almost expecting a bunch of Ewoks to appear and break into celebratory song and dance. I was disappointed because it could have easily been a much better film. And it so was not worth $14.

Bang

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Sometimes I wish New Zealand had a slightly hotter and drier climate so that fireworks would be banned.

I am so sick of fireworks. For the last week or so there have been various pops and bangs echoing around the ‘hood. Then tonight it was a total fireworks extravaganza, and stuff is still being let off. Last year I remember someone letting off stuff at 5 am.

A few hours ago I looked out the window and saw a guy letting off some little spurty things on the road, only a couple of metres away from where my car was parked. If I hadn’t been in my pajamas I could have gone out and told him to walk to the park at the end of the street. Actually, I should have been a crazy lady and gone out in my pajamas.

In theory fireworks should be exciting and fun, but they always, always get into the hands of kids with ADD and drunken teenagers and stupid stuff happens. Yes, isn’t it just hilarious to shove a lit cracker through the return slot of a video store?

Oh, and then there’s the family fireworks display, complete with the bargain box from The Warehouse. And how difficult it is to maintain any soft of enthusiasm for the third time some little pissy stick that spurts out five golden balls and emits and ear piercing scream.

And what are we celebrating? A guy who tried to blow up the British Houses of Parliament, but was caught before he could light the fuse. So, I guess in a way it’s celebrating the British government. Yay! Go Tony Blair! Woohoo sexed-up dossiers! And let us light a Roman candle for 10 Downing Street!

But I’m not a total fireworks hater. I like the really big displays of pyrotechnics. The huge blasts that make the earth shake and light up the night sky for miles. The kind that makes people come running outdoor to see, that makes everything stop for a while while people just take in the fountains of colour exploding in the dark.

Bang.

Chop!

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I saw “Kill Bill” today. Unlike the trailer for “Pulp Fiction” which, when I first saw it in 1995 was incredibly cool, thrilling and exciting, the “Kill Bill” trailer seemed like a mediocre movie made by some recent film school graduate who wanted to make a Tarantino film.

Fortunately the film itself is a million times better than the trailer. The plot: Uma Thurman is shot, spends four years in a coma, recovers, tracks down and kills two members of the gang who turned against her. And that’s it. So obviously the film is not about plot.

What it is about is extravaganza. Expertly executed fight scenes. Limb severings and decapitations that result in a huge, glorious, gushing red fountain of blood to come a-spurtin’ from the body. Fights that take place in beautiful, exotic settings, hey, just like in a video game.

I love the sort of fantasy world “Kill Bill” takes place in. It’s like the real world, but only slightly different. It’s a world where Uma Thurman’s character can take her kick-arse samurai sword onto an aeroplane as carry-on luggage.

I’m also really like how “Kill Bill” has been split up into two smaller films instead of one huge one. Because it’s like, I’ve seen the film, I enjoyed it, and I want more, and, oh cool, in a few month’s time I’ll get some more.

“Kill Bill” is delicious and beautiful and extravagant and thrilling. Pass me my knife, please.