Robyn’s Secret Passage

I checked my cellphone this evening and found there were 10 text messages waiting for me. Ten! I don’t even think I’ve received that many text messages this year.

So started reading through them and found this very curious sequence of messages:

24 September

3.24pm Jared is ur sister ok please txt me back Im worried about u and ur sister

4.14pm Im waiting for u to tell me wats the matter with ur sister

4.42pm Please txt back

5.22pm Jared i dont know wats wrong i have tried finding out wats wrong with ur sister i hope everything is ok and if i dont here from u ill txt u tomorrow

6.25pm Jared i dont want to play games anymore is ur sister in hospital or not because i have been worred

7.31pm Goodnite sleep tite dont let the bed bugs bite he he he

25 September

8.57am Good morning hw r u

10.01am Jared r u ever going to txt me again

12.44pm Jared im not sure if somethings wrong ive been trying to txt but found no answer and not im a bit worred about u because u told me ur sister was in hospital and i want to know if she is ok and if its true so if something wrong please txt me because i want to know

4.10pm Jared please txt me im worried about u

At first I thought the most obvious explanation came to mind, that someone was accidentally texting me, thinking they were texting this Jared fellow.

But then I thought about it some more and questions came to mind -

• If the sender had texted Jared before, presumedly his phone number would be in their cellphone directory, so why would it suddenly have changed to a wrong number?
• Why did they start most of their messages with “Jared”? If I text someone, I know who they are, they know who they are. It’s extra letters to type and even harder to do with predictive texting that doesn’t recognise proper nouns.
• Why did the attempt at writing in txt speak seem so forced? They abbreviated how to “hw”, but wrote morning in full in the same message.
• And who goes to bed at 7.30pm on a Saturday night?

I phoned the number of the text sender. It rang, but there was no answer. The voicemail message wasn’t set up with a personal message, instead defaulting to the standard Vodafone greeting.

It’s very strange and mysterious. The only theory I’ve been able to come up with so far is that the messages are sent to randomly generated phone numbers, with the idea that people will respond to the messages and confirm the existence and use of the phone number, leading the way to text spam (the thought of which is enough to make me want to cry).

I shall phone Vodafone tomorrow to see if they have any ideas.

Of course, it could be that somewhere out there there’s a guy called Jared who has a sick sister.

—

Update: I called Vodafone and discovered the following.

Ever since they introduced free texting on weekend, there’s been an increase in people doing stuff like sending or forwarding texts to random people. He said that Vodafone will investigate, but only if the recipient hasn’t responded to any of the nuisance texts they’ve received. He said he wasn’t entirely why why this was, but it was something to do with it becoming a “civil matter” after the person responds.

Right, so now I know how to take care of those meddling kids.

I went to Raglan for a week and a bit and spent much of that time watching the Hurricane Katrina coverage on CNN. I returned to Auckland today and was delighted to find six (6) of the Exclusive Brethren election pamphlets waiting in my mail slot. They are:

“BEWARE - THE GREEN DELUSION”
Vague attacks on the Green Party, including the chilling revelation that the Greens allegedly want to “teach criminals “art”. The only solution to this so-called delusion is to change the government.

“WHO HAS THE FORESIGHT AND THE CREDENTIALS TO BEING PROSPERITY TO NEW ZEALAND?”
Resplendent in yellow and blue, it says that “lower taxes will return money to hard-working Kiwi battlers where it belongs,” and chillingly warns, “Every year thousands of New Zealanders leave for a better life in Australia!”

“HEALTHCARE - WHO CARES?” (A5)
Printed in sombre tones of blue, it disses Labour’s chilling health statistics then says that “a government that really care for you … will eliminate unacceptable waiting lists.”

“CLAIM YOUR SEAT TO WATCH THE ALL BLACK ACTION!”
Again gaily printed in yellow and blue, this one informs that a chilling 30% of tax is “needlessly swelling the Government coffers.” It thoughtfully provides a list of things you could spent your tax cut on, including “Caribbean cruise”, “dine out twice a week”, “shout yourself some new clothes,” and if your greedstravaganza comes to an end, “maybe done to a charity of your choice.”

“ARE YOU REALLY SAFE?”
On the red side, it chillingly contrasts pairs of unrelated statistics, for example, $4 million for victim support versus $84 for legal aid. The flipside promises that the blue government will “restore a sense of security to the people,” among other things.

“HEALTHCARE - WHO CARES?” (A4)
Taking specific aim at hospital waiting times, it chillingly reveals at one person has had to wait for over eight years for something. In an inspirational message of hope, it advises, “If you are waiting for heart surgery, a cataract operation, knee surgery, hip operation or any other medical treatment or just waiting to see the specialist… DON’T GIVE UP!”

I shall be keeping these to pass on to my grandchildren and/or auction them on Trade Me.

From the NZ Herald today.

“The Commerce Commission yesterday ruled that phone companies must allow customers to keep their existing number when switching service providers. The ruling takes effect on April 1, 2007. It applies to landlines and cellular numbers.”

This is of great concern to me. Does this mean that one of my neighbours could move to, say, the South Island and take their phone number with them, so there’d be someone in Gore or Mosgiel attempting to represent the notorious 630?

This is frightening.