Monthly Archives: July 2006

Happy New Coin Day

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My wallet is in a state of disarray. When I bought some milk from the dairy this morning, I got one of those newfangled 50 cent coins with the change. “Here is a new coin,” the dairy man said to me in case I was about to erupt in rage and accuse him of short-changing me.

So now the delicate size-based hierarchy of my wallet has been upset. The 10 cents are poking their tongues out at the little 50 cent and have declared that it’s actually only worth 15 cents.

The tuataras on the 5 cents are denying their impending extinction, pointing out they’ve been around for 225 million years and ain’t plannin’ on goin’ nowhere.

The kiwi on the 20 is also refusing to leave, noting that his extinction has been predicted since 1990 and yet he’s still around and anyone who says otherwise is a jealous hater.

The Endeavour on the new 50 cent says that even though he is smaller, he still has the same number of sails and can still sail the seas of colonial oppression, thanks.

The $1 and $2 coins are strangely quiet, perhaps recognising that it’s best for them to say nothing at this stage.

Obviously this is going to require a bit of tact and diplomacy to handle. I’m thinking of getting the Queen (the sensible, middle-aged version on coins from the mid-’80s to mid-’90s) to step in as a mediator, otherwise I’m going to be stuck using EFTPOS for everything.

Synonym spam

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I ♥ synonym spam. It’s the kind where certain words that trigger anti-spam filters have been replaced with synonyms to try and bypass it. In this case it sort of worked. It got through the anti-spam filtering on the mail server, but my email client recognised it as spam.

But I’m glad, because this one is brilliant.

just wanted to see if you were still wanting the doctrine of getting slim?

I definately am, that is why i am so gay i hit upon

It was super convincingly having someone to help me out.

wildly. fluently I was close
Japan Nobs, by shopping dint
have meat Paul for the clergy and

Carson

Thanks for sharing, gayboy Carson.

Seven reasons

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Because it is Saturday and there is nothing else to do.

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People hassle Britney Spears and say she is dumb and a bad mother, but actually I think she is actually quite smart. She and I have a lot in common because I am actually only exactly three months older than her and I don’t think that is a coincidence because I believe in fate. Anyway, here is why Brtiney and I are soul sisters.

1. We were born *exactly* three months apart. Yes, that’s right Britney was born on 2 Demcember 1981 and I was born on 2 March 1982. This means we both grew up in the same cultural environment and had similar experiences as “chidren of the 80′s”. But I consider myself forunute that unlike Britney my birthday is not near Christmas lol

2. We both liked Mickey Mouse as children. Britney was Mouseketeer and on the Mickey Mouse Club. I had a Mickey Mouse soft toy that my uncle brought me back from Hong Kong and I still sleep with it on my bed to this day. I also have Mickey Mouse coffee mug that I have my coffee in!!!

3. We both went out with a guy called Justin when we were teens. Yes, this is true. When I was 15 I went out with this guy called Justin Watkins. Like with Britney and Justin Timberlak, this was also my first boyfriend, but sadly our relationship did not last and he was actually two-timing me with this girl called Carmel and so I dumped him.

4. We both like singing and dancing. I did jazz ballet and comtemporary tap lessons from age 6 to 13. I had to stop when I broke my foot in form two on a school camp bush walk :( But Now I am thinking of starting again and doing salsa dancing because I heard that is good for weight loss. I also have been singing and I auditioned for the first NZ Idol but they told me I was too “theatrical”, whatever that means!!!

5. We are both proud mothers. I am a proud mother of Ceylla (4) and Jack (14 mths) and stepmum to Brydan (10). And Britney has one baby boy and another baby on the way and is stepmum to two gorgeous girls.

6. We both have had relationship issues. I broke up with Ceylla’s dad when I was pregnant with her, but then I met my current partner Simon (my soulmate) who is everything you could want in a man but hand’s off he’s mine lol. I met him on Trade Me and he did me the honour of marrying me this year and now Ceylla has a new dad and a little baby brother. Britney had trouble with Justin but now she has met her soulmate Kevin Ferderline.

7. We both like frappochino’s!!! Yes whenever I go to St Lukes or in town you will always see me with a frappachino just like Britney! I loooove strawberry’s and cream ones. Sooooo naughty but sooo good!!! And sometimes I walk down the street with my sunglasses on and I feel just like Britney.

So when people hassle her, well I just think they’re jealous and if you look at Britney you can see that she is really just an ordinary girl like you or me and is actually quite normal!. And she is my role model and heroin.

Grande laughs

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I saw Ben Elton performing stand-up at the Aotea Centre tonight. It was a really enjoyable night’s comedy. I want to attempt to describe the comedy, but I won’t because I know that my retelling a) won’t be funny, and b) will probably ruin the jokes for future viewers of the DVD (there’d better be a DVD).

I will say, however, that it was politically themed, but reasonably clever, and still with a few good ol’ knob gags. He even made a mother-in-law joke, which seemed to be most subversive of the lot, given that Ben Elton was one of the subjects (and cover stars) of Roger Wilmut’s 1989 book “Didn’t You Kill My Mother-in-Law?“, about the young comedians of the 1980s who dragged British comedy out of the sexist old-man comedians telling mother-in-law jokes and into a brash, rude, politicised new era.

But what affected me the most were his observations on consumption and size. I mean, we kind of knew that everything was getting bigger and that we are consuming more, but since when, Mr Elton asked, did we start selling coffee in pints? It’s true! A Starbucks grande size is 16 fl oz, otherwise known as one pint. When milk used to be sold in glass bottles, that was a pint. Now we drink almost that much milk in one go in a latte.

Entertainment, education and knob gags. It made the $60 ticket price well worth it.

The past, present and future

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At the moment I am officially celebrating two things in the world of pop:

1. The 10th anniversary of the release of the Spice Girls’ “Wannabe”
Me and my beatnik friends weren’t sure what to make of this when it came out. I mean, they were, like, a “manufactured” pop group, and therefore evil (but no one was really sure why), but this song was insanely catchy and we all secretly liked it but no one was really sure why.

Then the Girls went on to release 12 singles, five of which were absolute scorchers. I mean, if “Who do you think you are” is not the shit, then surely “2 become 1″ is.

They spawned a slew of imitators, but no one really managed to follow in their footsteps. They can also be blamed for the “Idol” phenomena. Oh, and it turns out that while they originally came together via an audition, they ended up being as shrewd and controlling as any good follower of Madonna should. Zig-a-zig ah.

2. The release of the first single of Justin Timberlake’s second solo album
I was alerted to the release of SexyBack by a noticed on MySpace (Justin is my MySpace friend!!!). I listened to it and immediately noted that it was in a similar vein to “Like I love you”, but it has swear words in it (He says the MF word!!!).

The name has a double meaning – as well as a straight translation as “nice arse”, Justin’s also on a mission to bring sexy back, because goodness know there’s been a lack of mansex from the pop charts. (Actually, there has, so maybe he’s on to something).

The new Justin album is called “FutureSex/LoveSounds”, leading PopJustice.com to worry if perhaps Justin’s spacebar had broken. One is very excited about this.