Monthly Archives: April 2010

Beyond the valley of the suburbs

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The Wellington real estate market is cruel. I make an above-average wage, but I can’t even afford to buy a studio apartment – the cheapest type of property out there. (Hey, is that what “marriage” and “husband” is for?)

But I had discovered that the valley suburb of Wainuiomata had plenty of affordable real estate. In fact – holy crap – I could actually afford to buy a three-bedroom house in Wainuiomata. I’d never been there before, so a visit was in order to check out this hidden part of Lower Hutt.

I turned up to Waterloo Interchange and jumped on the first bus going over the hill. The climb up offers scenic views of Wellington Harbour. Or at least it would have if I’d been able to look in that direction. Sitting across the aisle from me was a dude who, every time I turned to look out the window on his side, would glare at me as if I was trying to start something… with my eyes. Yeah, I got a looking problem, bro.

Right this way

Over the hill and down into the valley, the bus went, leaving me surprised at how close and quick it is to get to.

I don’t think I was quite prepared for how enclosed by the hills Wainuiomata is. Everywhere I looked, there were the hills in the background, encircling the suburb. I felt like an anthropologist discovering a lost village in a forgotten valley. Oh, what secret languages and customs can I learn!

Well, there are lots of outdoor couches in Wainuiomata. That’s one observation.

I wasn’t really paying attention to where the bus was taking me. Suddenly I spied some shops, so I got off at the next bus stop.

I heard loud music nearby, and found myself strangely drawn to it. Around a corner I found the source – Wonderland Records. I went inside and was shocked to discover it was a record shop. I mean, a proper record shop, like there used to be in the ’80s and early ’90s.

There were racks full of CDs, records and tapes. Tapes! Cassette tapes! My stereo has a double cassette deck, but I think the last tape I bought was Darcy Clay’s “Jesus I Was Evil”, back in ’97. I started to imagine all the fun I could have with new tapes. Why, I could listen to Genesis and Steely Dan and the Eagles all night long!

The shop was so full of music that I trod carefully, utterly fearful of taking a mistep and messing up Jim Reeves’s pretty face.

Looking at the new CDs, I noticed they were indeed priced the way new CDs are (were?) priced in shops – about $33. I’ve been buying music off iTunes for a while now, and the idea of paying that much for a CD seems utterly outrageous. For $33, I’d expect Justin Bieber to come to my house and serenade me too, plz.

So I’m not quite sure how a shop like this does business. I’m guessing it’s found a niche for itself and has a loyal customer base who shop there because it can give them what they need.

And, frankly, if a record shop as glorious as that is called Wonderland, it deserves to stick around for as long as possible.

Wonderland

Back on the street, I suddenly realised that I was in the middle of nowhere, sort of. I figured out a direction to walk, and made my way to the hub of Wainuiomata, the Wainuiomata Shopping Centre.

The shopping centre was built in 1970, but it feels a bit older than that, in the way that architectural styles take a decade or so to reach New Zealand. It’s from the glorious autopian era, the post WWII boom times when the automobile was going to change life for the better.

It has a curious combination of strips of little shops next to a larger indoor mall, which now seems to be centred around an unholy trinity of a Warehouse and two supermarkets.

It all felt like it was a place that once wanted to be something magnificent and magical. A shopping centre for the young families putting down roots in the valley, so they didn’t need to make the trip over to the Hutt or to Wellington to do the shopping.

But it also feels like somewhere along the way, that dream was lost and something different took its place. It’s just “the shops” now. You can buy stuff there, if you want. Or you could go to Westfield Queensgate, if you want.

Wainuiomata feels like a mash-up of a small country town and 1950s-era suburb, like you’d find further along the Hutt Valley. And while these are clearly desireable attributes for some people, I wouldn’t want to live in either a small country town or a suburb, so Wainuiomata’s cheap real estate isn’t enough to lure me there.

But Wonderland Records, though – I’d happily go down that rabbit hole again.

Wainuiomata Shopping Centre

Romantic rights

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On the way back from Masterton, while passing through Upper Hutt, I spied one of the Tui “Yeah right” billboards, It mentioned something about a 35-year-old woman. “Hey,” I thought. “I am a 35-year-old woman. Perhaps this is relevant to my interests.”

I didn’t want to have to go back to Upper Hutt to check out the billboard in full, but thankfully Tui have a Twitter account where all the latest billboard slogans are tooted. It was there I found this:

Single woman, 35 y/o, attractive, great personality, with no issues. Yeah Right.

As soon as I read it I felt tears spring to my eyes. “Aue,” I wailed. “I am single, 35 years old, not conventionally attractive, with a rubbish personality, and many many issues! How will I ever find a Tui-drinking partner in the 18-35 demographic?”

After spending the entire day in bed eating supermarket pick ‘n’ mix sweeties and watching season five of “Sex and the City” on my VCR, I slowly came to my senses.

I realised that pretty much all my friends who are “single” (worst concept ever) and over the age of 30 do have issues. But this is what makes them who they are. We can’t all be ironed out into flawless robots of perfection. Sometimes it’s nice to be a little bit messed up, to have that grit in your oyster.

Maybe there are Tui-drinkers who see that billboard and nod sagely, “Bro, that happened to me. She was a hot older woman, but she turned out to be a nutter.”

That Tui billboard exists in a different universe to me. I don’t have to worry about what Tui-drinkers in the 18-35 demographic think of me as a single 35-year-old woman, because I just don’t play that game.

Shear, pleasure

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The Wairarapa commuter train is quite posh. Every day, while I’m waiting at my bleak suburban train platform, it swooshes past, reminding me that I’ll soon be boarding a clattery old train that fights with my iPod for aural dominance.

But I’d never been on the Wairarapa train, so I took advantage of a long weekend, bought a Wairarapa Day Excursion ticket… and discovered the train was replaced by buses from Wellington to Upper Hutt.

Never mind. Soon enough, I was on the train and it was lovely. It had individual lights, air conditioning, a food carriage, little tables in front of every seat and quietness.

As the train passed through the Rimutaka Tunnel and into the wide, open and sunny Wairarapa, I realised I didn’t yet have a final destination in mind. While the Day Excursion ticket offered the promise of exploring the Wairarapa by train all day long, it wasn’t much use when there was only two trains – one in the morning, one in the evening.

So I decided to make like the Traveling Wilburys and go to the end of the line, otherwise known as Masterton.

Hang on, what does Maurcie Shadbolt have to say about Masterton? “Avenue of trees at northern and southern approaches lend town atmosphere.” I just checked on Google Streetview to see if this was still true, and discovered that the Masterton Streetview pics were taken on a winter’s day with a heavy grey sky, making it look like the sort of town that should be bypassed for fear of inducing a depressive episode:

But, Maurice, what if you approach the city by train, in the middle? What is there? “A museum of some interest.” Righto.

Aratoi is the Wairarapa museum of art and history, but it seems to do art much better than history. The historical content is lurking in a couple of rooms, telling a tale of the days when photos were black and white, but with a brief burst of colour and glamour provided by Georgina the transsexual mayor. It was indeed of some interest.

Of more interest was the art. The main gallery had a selection of large paintings and other wall-mounted works from the Rutherford Collection. A lot of them had a crazy 1980s post-modern feeling, which made me happy.

Oldie but a goodie

Next door to Aratoi is Shear Discovery. While this might sound like the name of a suburban hairdresser, it is actually the National Shearing and Woolhandling Museum. Yeah, national.

The museum is based around two old shearing sheds, and is filled with wool and old shearing equipment It parties like it’s 1949 (where “partying” is “relaxing with a cuppa and a fag”).

It has a smell. It’s the dusty odour of raw wool. It reminds me that I have been in an actual shearing shed before – one time on a high school geography field trip, another time at Brownies. It brings back feelings of discomfort and unease. I don’t like the rural. I like urban.

And then next door to Shear Discovery is the Jubilee Fire House. Its centrepiece is the magnificent Jubilee steam-powered fire engine, looking a bit like the Wonkamobile. The fire house also houses old pieces of fire-fighting eqipment, as well as the museum volunteer, who followed me around, literally describing things to me. In front of a case of old fire extinguishers, “That’s our collection of old fire extinguishers.” In front of the selection of old uniforms: “These are old uniforms that firefighters wore.”

But, oh, you know, it’s a small museum run on love. I suppose one can’t always expect to be just left alone.

Masteron

The shops on the main street seemed to mostly be closed in the afternoon. Hey, just like the ’80s – so retro.

There was just over five hours between trains and I was slightly worried that I’d run out of things to do. There’s no 3G coverage in Masterton, so I took along a a book in case I needed something to pass the time.

But I all my sightseeing took up most of the time, and I found a nice cafe to fill in the rest of the afternoon, and if I didn’t pay too much attention to the thinly plucked eyebrows of the girls behind the counter or the polarfleece of the patrons, I could even pretend I was back in Wellington.

Masterton might not be as glamorous as other Wairarapa destinations like Greytown or Martinborough, it’s perfectly lovely place to spend a nice sunny afternoon. But just an afternoon, thanks.

Snip

Aspects of a downhill slide

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I came across Wikipedia’s list of songs that have been in the #1 spot in the New Zealand pop charts for over eight weeks continuously. These are the songs that everyone loved and loved so much that they just kept buying them more and more and playing them more and more.

Figuring this says something about New Zealand, I went to YouTube and listened to all the songs. These are my scientific findings.

Dawn featuring Tony Orlando – “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree“, 1973. (10 weeks)
There’s something magical ’bout “Ribbon”. On the surface it sounds like a novelty song, with its oompah beat and simple lyrics. But then there’s a killer melody lurking, and the emotional depths of an ex-con who finds his woman still loves him. I can’t help but love it, and shall tie a yellow ribbon around my ole MP3 player.

Pussycat – “Mississippi“, 1976. (10 weeks)
Where did this song come from? And where did it go? Pussycat were a Dutch girl group, and “Mississippi” was their lament to the popularity of rock over country music. It has that not-quite-America feeling to it, largely due to the Eastern European guitar flourishes. This song seems like a case of pop actually eating itself – a sweet country pop farewelled country music, and then was swallowed whole by punk. Or was it?

Boney M. – “Rivers of Babylon“, 1978. (14 weeks)
“Rivers of Babylon” was originally written by reggae band The Melodians, with the lyrics almost straight from Psalms 137. Boney M’s version took the rough, glorious Jamaican original and added some European glamour and disco cool, turning it into a cheerful pop hit. Its 14-week run also makes it the single with the longest run at #1 (that’s three and a half months). This tune helped reggae cross over and made it an Aotearoan favourite. Without the success of “Rivers of Babylon”, there would be no barbecue dub today.

All Of Us – “Sailing Away“, 1986. (9 weeks)
It’s eight years before another song has a long run at number one, and this time it’s a New Zealand song. But does it have to be “Sailing Away”? This was New Zealand’s attempt at a “We Are the World” style group song. But rather than being in aid of or protesting apartheid, it was virtually an ad to get the general public to support the New Zealand boat in the America’s Cup. The song was a who’s who of New Zealand singers, many of whom are better known as ad jingle singers. Also, those guys from Satellite Spies – whose idea was it get them on board? New Zealand lost, both the Louis Vuitton Cup and musically.

Whitney Houston – “I Will Always Love You“, 1992-1993. (11 weeks)
Hey, Pussycat! Country didn’t die – it was reworked into soul. Dolly Parton‘s ’70s ballad became a powerhouse tune for a pre-crack Whitney Houston to belt out on the soundtrack of “The Bodyguard”. I can’t quite understand why this song was so popular – it’s like a sticky caramel – once is ok, but more than that in one sitting becomes rather unpleasant.

UB40 – “Can’t Help Falling in Love“, 1993. (10 weeks)
Ok, so it’s a cover version (tick), of an Elvis song (tick), in a reggae style (tick), by UB40 (tick) – it’s almost a perfect New Zealand number one song. The video is particularly hilarious, with UB40′s cheery performance cut with scenes from the Sharon Stone shithouse thriller “Sliver”. What was it about the early ’90s that required such massive declarations of love in pop form? (Meanwhile, down the other end of the charts, grunge was getting all up in your face.)

Avril Lavigne – “Complicated“, 2002. (9 weeks)
Hey, Pussycat II! Country didn’t die – it was cleverly disguised as skater punk. I mean, sk8r punk, man. Take the cute teen girl, iron her hair, give her some eyeliner and proto-emo jeans and everyone will be so distracted with her California skater chick look that they’ll overlook the fact that she is singing a bloody country song. The big love of the early ’90s had changed its Facebook status to “It’s complicated”.

Smashproof featuring Gin Wigmore – “Brother“, 2009. (11 weeks)
Finally. It’s a New Zealand song that enjoyed a long run at number one and it’s a really good song. Based on smooth strings, reminiscent of “Unfinished Sympathy“, the song examines the reality of growing up in South Auckland. It took 23 years for “Sailing Away” to lose its top spot, but when it finally happened, its arse was kicked.

Lady Gaga – “Poker Face“, 2008-2009. (10 weeks)
“Poker Face” sounds a bit like ’80s synth pop and a bit like ’90s Euro dance pop, but a song sounding like this would never ever have topped the charts in those decades. There’s a bit of the ol’ Tony Orlando magic there – the elements of a potentially naff song, but something wondrous that pulls it all together into a perfect pop song about poker and/or sex.

Black Eyed Peas – “I Gotta Feeling“, 2009. (9 weeks)
I used to work with a guy who’d sit at his desk, headphones on, singing “Tonight gonna be a good night,” over and over. I didn’t know the song, but I imagined that line was a small part of the whole. It turns out that line is pretty much the entire song, an ode to the early, hopeful, exciting part of the evening, when your make-up still looks good and you’re not sitting on the staircase crying into your twelfth wine.

Stan Walker – “Black Box“, 2009-2010. (10 weeks)
Stan’s the 2009 winner of Australian Idol, and this is the winner’s song. Insert pop idol here. It’s a perfectly fine pop song, one that has benefitted from the accompanying TV show to boost its popularity. Curiously enough, “Black Box” only ever made it to #2 in the Australian charts. Stan did better in his homeland, making the efforts of TrueBliss and the NZ Idol winners pale in comparison.

The pop charts of Tony Orlando’s day are very different to the charts of Stan Walker’s time. It’s a careful blend of physical music sales, digital sales and radio play. But it makes me wonder – in 35 years time, will Stan Walker (or indeed Lady Gaga) be as well known still as Boney M, or as delightfully obscure as Pussycat?

Further reading
John-Paul at Man of Errors has a splendid series looking at the New Zealand number one songs in 1973, including “Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree“.