Ask Dr Kraw

Young people from all around the world take the time to write to Dr Kraw seeking his advice. Here, Dr Kraw shares with us some of his mail:

Dear Dr Kraw

I just happened to visit your web page and am impressed by your message to the people on self pollution. I wish to inform you that I have been indulging in this heinous act for so many years and am now suffering due to a very weak immune system. I have developed severe asthma, all kinds of allergies, poor memory, sinusitis as a result of this.

It has come to the point that I get so many involuntary emissions of semen in my sleep with without erotic dreams that drain me completely of whatever energy my body has. Also, my growth has been stunted very badly.

I realized the implications of my actions once i started attending classes on spirituality and now am convinced of the ill effects of self pollution. I wish to share this info with you and also need your advice on whether these nightly semen losses can be prevented in any manner.

Any material / advice towards overcoming self pollution would be a great boon.

Dear Young Person

The "semen" or "seed of men" is the source of purity and energy within the male. When you "engage" in an "act" of self-pollution this causes the "semen" or "seed" to be expelled and with it your purity and energy are wasted. It also makes you susceptible to impure thoughts.

It is commendable that you have taken the initiative and controlled your self-pollutational acts. The nocturnal emissions can be very distressing. To help control the unwanted expulsion of the "seed-o-man" in at night, Dr Kraw recommends the following:

  1. Swallow a spoonful of cod liver oil an hour before retiring. The cod is a fish known for his lack of nocturnal emissions.
  2. Insert a number of ice cubes into a hot water bottle. Apply bottle to nether regions for ten minutes before sleeping.
  3. Listen to a compact disc recording by the popular music artist Will Smith or "The Fresh Prince".
  4. Enjoy a glass of warm milk.

All these items should sufficiently reduce the libidonous juices.

Dear Dr Kraw

could you give me a list of the more famous satanic bands. Sometimes you don't know what you're listening, specially when your language is not English.

Dear Young Person

Recent investigation from the Dr Kraw Institute have discovered that the following music artists are producing music which is deemed to be of an evil nature:

Dr Kraw says: "Free your record player and free your soul!"

Dear Dr Kraw

Please tell me, what exactly are you a doctor in? I found your web site while searching for other web sites on the "evils" of rock and roll music. In fact I was searching because I was showing my mother how very comic the ludicrous arguments against the genre of Rock and Roll (which includes an amazingly wide variety of music) really were. I read a few of your answers and decided to pose a few questions. First I want to tell you that you have no Biblical evidence that any particular type of music is better or worse than any other. On another note, why would you think that communism in essence is in any way evil? Jesus teaches us to share. I don't listen to hard rock, or death rock, or acid rock, or any other form of rock that sounds so horrible that I can barely classify it as music, but to claim that all kinds of rock and roll music are inspired by the big bad devil is far fetched indeed. I don't think that Ozzy Osborne or Marilyn Manson are directly inspired by Satan, but I do believe that they are very angry at God. Remember, there are three tempters: the world, the flesh, and the devil. Not all evil is inspired directly by the devil, and if you don't believe that then you don't believe the Bible. I think that you are just an old man/woman who has become legalistic in his/her practice of Christianity. You are certainly not following Christ by writing your hate material. If you want to do some good for the body of Christ then go share the gospel of JESUS to the people around you who so desperately need salvation (not from Rock and Roll, but from eternal damnation). If you would like to respond to this email, you can reach me at [email address]. However, if you are planning on saying that I am a communist who has been brainwashed by society and rock and roll, then you might as well not respond. Thank you for your time.

Dear Young Person

Dr Kraw has a PhD in the Psychological Disorders of Young People from the University of the Transvaal. Over the past 30 years Dr Kraw and members of the Dr Kraw Institute has done extensive research into psychological disorders that effect young people all over the world. For example: it is a documented fact that both the youngster in the Nairobi village and the youngster in the Yorkshire cottage is susceptible to bouts of self-pollution, communistic diarrhea and "dizzy" spells.

The knowledge of "rock 'n' roll" "music" shown in the above letter is symtomatic of second degree morality decay. The justification of so-called rock through the use of references to the Bible and God is but a smoke screen or morality to hide immorality. Knowledge of the sub-genres of "hard rock" and "death rock" and "acid rock" and "other form of rock" shows an intimate knowledge of the soundtrack of immorality.

After applying his 12 principles of morality, Dr Kraw has determined that the young person who wrote the above letter shows strong communist tendencies and has obviously been brainwashed by both the heavy "metal" "music" and the immoral elements of society. A diet that is high in bran fibre and ten knee squats a day will purge the bowels of the brown river of evil caused by singing harlots such as Miss Osbourne and Miss Manson.

Dear Dr Kraw

DEAR DR CRAW I HATE TO SAY THIS BUT YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE,AND ALSO A COMMUNIST.YOU ARE JUDGING PEOPLE EVEN THOUGH THE BIBLE SAYS ''DO NOT PASS JUDGEMENT LEST YOU BE JUDGED.YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY IF YOU ARE A HOMOSEXUAL YOU ARE A BAD PERSON.AND ROCK AND ROLL IS GOOD.IF YOU ASK ME YOU ARE ACTING EVIL

Dear Young Person

Dr Kraw strongly refutes the allegations from this young person stating that Dr Kraw is a communist. Dr Kraw is opposed to the communist regime and believes that communism is an insideous social disorder that brings misery to all who fall under its dark spell.

It is disturbing to note that lyrics from the immoral "rock" and roll band Metallica's song "Hollier Than Thou" have been paraphrased in this young person's letter. This is an obvious sign that already as many as 27.3% brain cells have been lost by excessive head "banging". It is also highly likely that this person will exhibit minor hair growth on the palms.

Dr Kraw also refutes the claim that Dr Kraw is a "homo" sexual. Dr Kraw believes that advanced "fagetism" is the source of much misery in the pancreas and Dr Kraw has applied the 12 principles of morality to ensure that he is free from the dark shadow of sodom.

A thrice-weekly cammomile enema and five star jumps a day will help prevent rock 'n' "roll" induced homo-sexual behaviour.

Dear Dr Kraw

can i pee in your butt?

Dear Young Person

Whilst Dr Kraw often advises that troubled young people use various enemas, Dr Kraw does not condone the use of urine enemas. The desire of a trouble young person to place his penile organ near Dr Kraw shows an over-indulgence in self-pollution and the desire to act out his evil desires on the good doctor.

Dr Kraw recommends a weekly enema of goats milk.

Dear Dr Kraw

Having found your web page just little over a week ago, I decided to employ some of your radical techniques - I have stopped all selfpolutting; and where as I used to be a constant user of the wicked weed, I haven't had a smoke for over a week now, and I feel ..... different. Its all a little bit wierd, you know? I little bit.... real, I guess. The feeling makes me act a little strange around people sometimes, and my mother has been asking me whats wrong, thinking that I'm paranoid, and telling me not to play with her knives. She asked me what was wrong, so I told her about your website. The next day, after reading through your very informative site, she rolled me a big fat blunt, and told me to calm myself down. I'm afraid that satan has taken over her soul. I have a kitchen knife. If satan has taken over her soul, how can I even look her in the eye? Did I mention I have a kitchen knife? Your thoughts would be much appreciated by this repenting sinner.

Dear Young Person

Dr Kraw commends you on your decision to take control of your self pollution problems and drug abuse. It can be difficult coping with such a radical change in your life, and it can be tempting for the recently reformed young person to return to a life of depravity.

It is understandable that a sudden, unexpected urge to play with kitchen knives would be confusing. Your newly clean mind and body is sending you a signal that you must take up a hobby. It is recommended that you investigate the culinary arts, or perhaps carpentry. Imagine that delight on your mother's face when you could present her with some freshly cooked roast beef. If you fear that Satan has taken over your mother's soul, speak to the pastor at your local church. A discussion of religion over a stuff quail may be just what your mother needs.

Dear Dr Kraw

Hello, my name is [name] and I am having a problem. My boyfriend and I have been together for awhile. When we are together sexually he very good at pleasing me. One of his favorite things to do is eat me out, of which he does very well. However, I would like to return the favor but I am scared that I won't do it right. He has told me past stories before we got together of how his ex would go down on him and he would go soft in her mouth. I dont want that to happen to me. is there anyway you can tell me how to give oral sex to a male or a website that has helpful tips or anything like that? thank you very much.

Dear Young Person

Dr Kraw advises that you stop this immoral carry-on immediately! Tell your boy "friend" that if he wishes to engage in fornication with you that he must first be your lawfully wedded husband. When you are married you may engage in such carnal acts, but it is ill advised that you engaged in the mutally self-polluting act of o___ s__.

A "helpful tip" is to instead do such acts of courtship as:

Dear Dr Kraw

hello there retard, u are a spaz and will always b a spaz because i smoke i drink i listen to the "rock n roll" and GUESS WHAT!? IM STILL THE SAME FUCKING PERSON AND IM NOT GOING TO HELL!! and u know wut else?? im only 13!! woohoo!! go me. i hope ur satisfied u homo. u listen to elton john and he is GAY! so hm, wut could that mean of you? i wonder. maybe i lost brain cells while i was getting high. o yea i forgot, U CANT!

drinkin is fun and so is smoking and everything else u think is bad. and rock n roll music rocks! and elton john is a homo so he must be one of satins best buddies right? and u listen to him! u hypocrit...r u really gonna tell me u've never drank in your life? thats a little phsycho. and im not saying im a whore or nething but having sex b4 ur married isnt that bad. and ur mean cuz u said that homos are bad. u racist!! u suck monkey balls.

Dear Young Person

This young person is suffering from advanced self-pollutive disorder, rock 'n' roll addiction, minor fagetism, racial delusions, demon weed and drink addiction, promiscuital disorder and self-delusion. Fortunately as the young person is only 13 years old, it is possible for them to be lead down the path of morality and purity and to be able to enter the world as a moral adult, making a valuable contribution to society. Dr Kraw recommends that this young person start by having a glass of cold milk every time they feel the urge to smoke a marijuana cigarette.

Dear Dr Kraw

YESTERDAY, I SAW MY DOGS HUMPING EACHOTHER!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM? i TOLD THEM TO STOP AND THAT THEY WERE EVIL AND SATAN HAD INHIBITED THEIR SOUL, BUT THEY KEPT ON HUMPING EACHOTHER!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!

A YOUNG PERSON

P.S. HELP!!!!!!!!!! I ONCE HEARD ROCK 'N' ROLL AND I THOUGHT IT WAS 'INTERESTING' SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Young Person

It can be disturbing to see canine animals fornicating. While the immediate reaction may be to stare in shock, the best thing to do is to simply turn away, then go home and play a game of "Monopoly" with a friend of family member. The same advice can be applied to "rock" 'n' roll music. If you hear a rock 'n' roll "song" you may be tempted to stay and listen to it, but all that you need to do is simply walk away. This is an example of how you can avoid listening to rock 'n' "roll".

"Friend": Come and listen to my new "Nickleback" compact disc.
You: No thank you.

Dear Dr Kraw

What the fuck is wrong with you? I mean is your website some sort fo preverted joke? It is not only out of date but it contains absloutley no and I mean no proof to what you are talking about. Ohh no Satan has entered my soul cause I'm gay or I listen to rock music and I am gonna go kill somebody! Ohh woe is me! You are a fucking idiot that doesn't have the right to talk about God. I may not be religous myself but perverting other peoples values is sick. What if your mother knew what you were saying about her and her girlfriend?

Dear Young Person

Dr Kraw's mother, Joan Kraw, is not a sapphist and it is incorrect to suggest that she is. Whilst Mrs Kraw does have many female friends, it is correct to assume that she is involved in lesbionic relations with any of them. Dr Kraw does not and has never discussed God in his teachings. It is only when responding to the comments and queries from young people who bring up the subject of religion that it is necessary for God and religious subjects to be mentioned.

Dear Dr Kraw

you need some help! really i mean do you reaaly think kids are going to spot? no they do it cause of ppl like you!!!!

Dear Young Person

Dr Kraw is not familiar with the jive phrase "to spot". Attempting to clarify this point with the young person who sent this letter resulted in a denial that the letter had ever been sent. Dr Kraw hopes that a wise parent has stepped in and shown the young person some moral guidance.

Dear Dr Kraw

I listen to System of a Down, Metallica, Korn, Slipknot... and all the rest of "Satanic" bands... I ain't a fucking christian in the first place... I WORSHIP SATAN... I WORSHIP MYSELF... CAUSE I AM MYOWN GOD... AND... I THINK.... POP MUSIC... RAP... HIP-HOP... R&B... ALL SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU SUCK DUDE!!!! IF YOU REALLY THINK ROCK AND METAL ARE A BAD INFLUENCE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE AND KIDS, YOU ARE FUCKING WRONG, CAUSE IT TEACHES YOU STUFF, LIKE NOT TO USE DRUGS (Master of Puppets - Metallica... a classic from the 80s) FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE SYSTEM!!!!

Dear Young Person

It is notable that first this young person claims to listen to a so-called "satanic" rock "and" roll band "System of a Down", but then later expresses rage against this band by saying "f___ the system". This young persons dislike for other immoral "music" genres such as "pop" and "rap" and "hip hop" and "r and b" shows that they recognise the evil within popular music. Rock and "roll" "songs" that claim to teach about the evils of marijuana and other drugs are actually promoting drugs by drawing attention to them. Dr Kraw reccommends whenever the urge to listen to "rock" and roll music hits, to instead have a bowl of goats milk yoghurt and to go for a brisk walk outdoors.

Dear Dr Kraw

you dumbass you know nothing......i listen to all sorts of music......classical, celtic, industrial, some rap, metal, some rock....metal and rock are not the same damn music anymore.....incase you think they are like the dumbass you are......i listen to satanic music but not that manson and korn garbage to call them "satanic" is pure stupidity......oh yea incase you forgot there is christian rock but i guess that's not o.k with you cause rock is still the "devil's music" and you never did answer why you listen to elton john he is a homo after all......but i think i know why you like him......filthy person......you suck

hey i have a question......do you even know what in the hell you're talking about.....or do you just like to try and take away everyone's freedom......i drink quite a bit, i've had premarital sex, i listen to metal......oh by the way you don't drink crack dumbass......but anyways.....so by what you're saying is even if i start believing in god which i won't do i'm still going to hell.....not that i believe in that bullshit......and homosexuals are not evil.....half the time they're born like that or raised in a family with homosexuals or get influenced that way......not their fault.....and how in the hell do you concider marriah carey and the beegees evil hahaha......sounds to me you've been hit in the head with a hammer once too many times.....oh and if you want to hear a real satanist group listen to acheron...... and if there is a hell i'll be proud standing by satan's side.....so fuck your bullshit

Dear Young Person

This is an example of a young person who is suffering from diarrhea of the morals. Repeated use of the full-stop shows jittery hands, a sure sign of chronic self-pollutions. Confused ramblings contradictions show a desire to break free of immorality and to embrace a life of morality. This will only come through removing the so-called "metal" music from the immediate enviroment and ensuring that goats cheese is consumed a minimum of four times a week.

Proclaiming an alliance with Satan might make a young person feel powerful in the face of an apparently anti-Satanic authority figure, but ultimately any such proclaimations refelct only on the young person's morality.

A goats cheese and cauliflower casserole is advisible.

Dear Dr Kraw

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH WEED, OR ROCK AND ROLL, OR DRINKING, OR EVEN HOMOSEXUALITY???????????????????? LISTEN, I'M 15 FUCKING YEARS OLD, AND I SMOKE WEED, I LISTEN TO HARDER ROCK THAN YOU COULD EVEN STAND TO LISTEN TO, I DRINK ALCHOHOL, AND I'M BISEXUAL. YOU SHOULD REALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE WRITING. IT COULD OFFEND PEOPLE LIKE ME, WHO LIKE DOING THAT STUFF. YOU MUST BE ONE OF THOSE GOD PEOPLE WHO WASTE THEIR LIVES ON WORSHIPPING GOD AND SLAVING OVER HIM. THAT'S ALL BULLSHIT. DR. KRAW, OR HOW ABOUT THIS: DR. KRAP, YOU REALLY SUCK HAIRY MONKEY NUTS. SO WHAT, YOU'RE A FUCKING PSYCHOLOGIST. BIG FUCKING WHOOP! I'M GOING FOR PSYCHOLOGY TOO, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO BE JUDGEMENTAL ABOUT SUBJECTS LIKE THAT. JUST GO AWAY AND DIE!

Dear Young Person

This young person has had a mirror held up to them. They have been shown the full extent of their immoral lifestyle - the demon weed, the rock "and" roll, the demon drink, the homosexuality - and it is very likely that self-pollution is prevalent. Their immediate reaction is to feel anger towards the mirror for reflecting what they have perhaps always suspected about themselves. But now that the truth has been realised, treatment can begin. Dr Kraw recommends five leaping thigh squats a day, followed by a glass of warm goat's milk curd and 20-30 minutes of gardening.

Dear Dr Kraw

I don't know what YOU have a degree in, but it is clear that your parents were ultra-conservatives, or were extremely controlling. Your interperatation of the Bible is most-likely wrong. How do you KNOW that this is what god thinks? Are you a prophet? I don't think so. Don't Preech what you don't KNOW. If you don't KNOW what you are saying is true, you should put a disclaimer at the bottom.

When was the last time you were evaluated by a psychiatrist? I think you should go see one within 24 Hours, and someone you don't KNOW.

Dear Young Person

As answered in a previous reply, Dr Kraw has a PhD in the Psychological Disorders of Young People from the University of the Transvaal. Dr Kraw does not feel that it would be appropriate to give any further details of his parents Han and Joan Kraw. Dr Kraw also asserts that the Bible is not part of his psychological treatments and he does not interpet it in any way with the young people he sees. Dr Kraw does not claim to be a prophet. Dr Kraw enjoys listening to music by such popular recording artists as "Cher" and "Rob E. Williams" and "Craig David".

Young people: Do you have troubles? Share your problems with renowned psychologist Dr Kraw and receive his expert advice on how to live well!

Dr Kraw

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