2. I just watched “Logan’s Run” on DVD. When “Minority Report” came out Spielberg was going on about how they created the future world by taking the stuff we have now and projecting it into the future. Well, y’know, that’s also what the designers did when they were creating the 23rd century utopia of “Logan’s Run”. Only it looks very much like 1976. Like a 1976 mall. I expect in 30 years’ time “Minority Report” will look the same. Oh how we will chuckle at the cheesy special effects.

3. I was at a juice bar today and I ordered a smoothie. I paid for it with my credit card, but their machine did not accept credit card payments. It was really busy, so both the girls working there were busy making all the orders, and no one noticed that my transaction hadn’t gone through. I stood there with a ten dollar note in my hand waiting to be asked for an alternative method of payment, but it didn’t happen. One of them went up to the machine, ripped off the paper with the error message printed on it, then went back to making smoothies. When mine was made the girl gave it to me and went back to making more. Oh well.

4. You know what I’m really sick of at the moment? The New Zealand music scene. This is rather bad timing as May is New Zealand Music Month. I think I might have to not listen to any radio, not watch any music TV, not read any music press. Yes, I may make it to June with my sanity intact.

5. Oh, there’s this great scene in “Logan’s Run” where Logan and Jessica, after having been soaked with water, find themselves in an icy winterland. They find some furry animal skins to wear, but Logan suggests first that they take off their other clothes so they don’t have the cold, wet clothing on. This of course means that Jessica must show us her boobies. Then moments later, after the freaky mirror robot comes along, they put their clothes back on. Now that is actual gratuitous nudity. None of this pretend gratuitous nudity that my generation prides itself on.

6. Speaking of nudity, oh how scandalous it is to see the Big Brother housemates showering naked, and how nice those ones are who shower in their swimsuits or underwear. But then, hey, isn’t it normal to shower in the nude?

The kids spent most of the movie twisting in their seats, bored. The dark adult humour of the film didn’t get anywhere near them. The grandmother spent most of the movie with her neck turned towards the kids, getting them to sit down, handing them popcorn and generally not watching the movie.

But the best bit came during the scene in the movie when Tim Blake Nelson’s character comes out of his house with just a quilt wrapped around him. His dog bites the quilt and pulls it away and there’s a brief glimpse of his donger. As soon as the penis appeared, the grandmother quickly reached over and put her hand over the eyes of the kid in the seat next to her. She loudly whispered to the others “don’t look! Don’t look!”, but by then the next scene had come and the penis was but a funny memory.

John C. Riley was in it. Dylzno has a theory that all movies John C. Riley is in are good. (Ditto for Edward Norton.) I’d go for a lower hit rate, but this was one was good. This, along with “Chicago” and “The Hours” rounds out his lousy-husband trilogy. In this one he was a goofy, pot-smoking husband.

I should also mention Jake Gyllenhaal. I was totally in love with him after seeing “Donny Darko”, but I’m out of love with him after “The Good Girl”. His character is excellent. He’s what a cinematic troubled, rebellious loner teen would be like in real life. i.e. a pretentious dickhead. He’s endlessly cute on the outside, but once Jennifer Aniston’s character (and the audience) get to know him, the crazy, mixed-up ugliness is becomes apparent. And we welcome the real world, where the heroine picks the pot-smoking husband over the cute badboy.

Oh, I just gave away the ending. Or did I?

Because a film isn’t about plot, it’s about how the plot is executed.

—

Oh yes, on the bus there’s now a magazine for people to read on the bus. It is called “Ticket”. I felt alienated soon after I opened it and read the the magazine was “to read as you get yourself to work”. Not school, not the shops, not uni, not the movies, not a sports even, no, just work. “Ticket” is really boring. It’s filled with boring articles on boring subjects. Boring reviews of things that describe it, but barely express an opinion on it. An unfunny humour column (but isn’t describing something as being funny almost a guarantee that it won’t be?), and that old, old trick of having an article about a subject that is later advertised in the magazine. The editorial urges readers to “stop staring out the window” and read the magazine, but quite frankly, looking out the window is way more interesting than reading boring articles.

Yeah, because if you want something to read on the bus, it’s ok for it to be light and disposable, but make it interesting. I mean, you wouldn’t want to fall asleep and miss your stop.

The guy walking in front of me: “Like Tarantino used to do.”
The woman walking behind me: “Horrible. Really, really bad.”

It was neither. It was about a fellow whose nephew shows up and asks him to help him be a hit with the ladies. But while it was about the art (or science) of seduction, it’s also about ree-lay-shon-ships. This lady sitting a few seats down from me laughed a lot at stuff that wasn’t remotely funny. Like, there’d be a cut to a new scene and she’d laugh.

Tomorrow night I will have houseguests:

man, its going to be farken choice. you are farkrn choice for putting us up for the night. perhaps you are innocent and naive and have never hosted dodgy rock n roll musicians in your innocent unspotlt flat before? yes, that’ll be it. if thats the case, apologies in advance. but hey, you might get a nice article for your zine out of it.

Oh my!

st00 came over and we watched the Brit Awards. J. Timberlake sang a medley of songs then Kylie came out and they performed “Rapture” and Justin grabbed her arse and it was magnificent. st00 accused me of liking Robbie Williams, and I was going to get all defensive and be like “I DO NOT LIKE HIM!!!!”, but then I realised that actually if I was in his rockstar manor with cocaine and champagne all that shit, I wouldn’t be complaining. Well, something like that, anyway.

A month or so ago I ended up doing the sports quiz with some friends. I miserably failed – something like six out of 40, but it was fun. Tonight I noticed a few people who were at the sports quiz were also there for the Kiwi quiz. So are there serial quiz attendees, people who show up every month hoping to score the big prizes? And more to the point, am I becoming one of them?

With my winnings I bought the Rough Guide to New Zealand, which is all part of my masterplan.

Oh, I also saw “Maid In Manhattan”. It’s obvious it’s the school holidays – cellphones were constantly ringing and beeping during the film. I have this theory about the films that Jennifer Lopez makes – there are J-Lo movies, and there are Jennifer Lopez films. J-Lo movies are the crappy, movie star, money-making exercises, while Jennifer Lopez films are well written, well acted and less crowd-pleasing.

“The Wedding Planner” and “Maid In Manhattan” are J-Lo movies. “Angel Eyes” and “The Cell” are Jennifer Lopez films. “Enough” might seem like a Jennifer Lopez film, but it’s actually a J-Lo movies, as “Out Of Sight” might seem like a J-Lo, but it’s actually a Jennifer Lopez.

(Actually, “Out Of Sight” is a really excellent movie. It’s one of my all-time faves, yo.)

Ok, back to “Maid In Manhattan”. J-Lo and Ralph Fiennes and the cute kid were all boring and predictable. The characters that interested me were Stanley Tucci and Amy Sedaris’ characters. He was the politician’s manager person, and she was there only to make Natasha Richardson’s character look less bitchy in comparison. But they were both bitter and disgusting and much more fun than the maid or the politician. Ah, but it’s a fairytale, so we mustn’t expect too much.

To: Robyn Gallagher
Subject: Jackass tickets

I would really like tickets for the film.
Thanks

Y’know, I would like Jackass tickets too, but I don’t have any, and if I did, I probably wouldn’t give them to strange boys off the internet. I’m guessing that this guy did a search for something like “Incredible Film Fest tickets” and ignored the top search result (the official bIFF web site) and instead went to my site and thought he’d hit me up for some tickets.

I politely pointed him in the right direction.

I saw “Bringing Down The House” (I bought a ticket, I didn’t email anyone asking for one). It was a really dumb movie, but I somehow moved into this lower state of consciousness where I laughed at all the really dumb jokes.

There was one scene where Steve Martin has Joan Plowright over for dinner with his two kids, and Queen Latifah cooks. Plowright reminisces her childhood on a plantation and starts singing an old Negro spiritual, while Queen Latifah storms around the kitchen barely containing her rage. It was so silly that I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. I think it’s mainly because for me the idea of a posh white person sincerely singing a Negro spiritual is one of the funniest things ever. It’s kind of what the story of the Fairfield Valley Community Players was based on.