I’m normally interested in politics, but I read an article in the Herald about various members of the National party and was interested in two particular things.

1. The newly appointed deputy leader of the National party, Nick Smith, has taken some time off because he is “suffering from exhaustion”. When someone like an actor or a model is reported as suffering from it’s usually a sneaky way of saying they’ve been rock ‘n’ rolling all nighty, partying every day and have been using stimulants rather than sleep to ward off tiredness. Unless there’s something very sordid going on the behind the scenes of the National party, I suspect this may be the first time a person reported in the press as suffering from exhaustion has actually been suffering from exhaustion.

2. Deposed leader Boow Unglush, oh, I mean Bill English is quoted as saying, “I just want to use my experience, which in National is fairly unique.” See, that’s his problem – he has no confidence. Every good little grammar pedant knows that being unique is like being pregnant. You either are or you aren’t, there are no degrees in between. Mr English’s experience is either unique (i.e. no one else has that same experience) or it’s not unique (i.e. other people have that same experience). But he doesn’t seem to have the cojones to talk about himself in absolute terms. Oh, how I will miss his mangled vowels.